Attempting to reason with a fire doesn't put the fire out.
If a situation is already burning out of control, think about NOT trying to get it under control. Trying to control situations is often a response to our own trauma, dysregulated state and anxiety. Sometimes the flames need to burn out while you keep quiet, calm, loving, careful watch and maybe water down the perimeter. The more words we speak, the hotter the fire burns, especially when A: kiddos already process at a slower rate and more words are frustrating and B: the fight, fight, freeze, faint and fidget states have already started so there is reduced blood flow to the brain (Which can lead to a drop of up to 30 IQ points!). Stop arguing. Stop explaining about why they can't do something, why they shouldn't do something, why situations changed. Let them know you see they are upset, that you recognize they are experiencing big feelings and struggling to sort through it. Don't send them away, don't pull them in close. Just offer your calm and listen while they rant, rave, scream, accuse, etc. Anything else is gasoline and you will just end up burned. When its calm, debrief and repair the rupture in the relationship.
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