I am a sarcastic human. My mother says I'm fluent. Sometimes the desire is hard for me to resist. Especially if I can get a few laughs. There's a time and place though. I work with kids and adults who don't usually grasp the subtlety of this type of interaction and a brain with a literal thought process can be left confused or offended. Mostly, this is children who may be Autistic, have ADHD, a Developmental/Intellectual Disability, Traumatic Brain Injury, Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder, Anxiety Disorder (especially PTSD) or Depressive Disorder. That is actually a very large group of humans! Parental use of sarcasm, can often disguise anger, frustration, even jealousy when engaged to correct or teach a child. It's taking the opportunity to hurt without looking like there is intention to injure and a parent can later fall back on the age-old cop-out, "I didn’t mean it. Can’t you take a joke?" There is a power differential here. Sarcasm favors the adults, who are much more adept at using it than children. Because of this unequal power, parental sarcasm can be a form of bullying. I find the temptation toward sarcasm emerges most when someone is feeling insecure, afraid, or disappointed. During these moments, sarcasm becomes a weapon to cut down or put another in their proverbial "place". I’m not advocating a home be without humour, but parents need to use the right kind of humor- and the right kind of sarcasm-without contempt or belittlement. The post below demonstrates this point well and calls attention to the lack of encouragement when small steps are made. Our children truly are doing their level best most of the time with the develpmental maturity and skillsets they possess- influenced by the behavior or teaching they have been shown (or subjected to) by the adults in their lives. Children often recount their experiences with sarcasm to me in sessions and ask "what did they mean by that" or if having already assumed the meaning, share their anger and hurt in response to it. They most often believe they have been slighted- and frequently that is indeed the case. If we are utilizing sarcasm in our parenting or any position of authority, its important to evaluate where it stems from, if the audience its intended for can comprehend it, and if it's truly meant to spread laughter without being at the expense of someone who can't fight back. We have a choice in every single interaction. If we can choose to be anything, I suggest it's best to choose to be kind.
Comments